I have several men in rotation. One’s waiting for me out in the car. Don’t worry, I rolled down the windows.

- Donna, Parks & Recreation

So here's your valentine
A bouquet of clumsy words
A simple melody
This world's an ugly place
But you're so beautiful to me
- Blink-182

Today is Valentine's Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion day.

- Jay Leno

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. 

- Judith Viorst

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
- Homer Simpson

Pam: Sometimes the gift is really about the gesture, you know, like, what it means, instead of what it is.
Dwight Schrute: You mean ... like a ham?
Pam: No. Not like a ham.

Jim: Dwight lives on a beet farm and he practices karate at the forth grade level. And he apparently has a girlfriend, so... I guess there really is someone for everybody.

Pam: You have any big Valentine's Day plans, Kev?
Kevin: Not really, my fiance is out of town.
Pam: Where is she?
Kevin: I'm not sure. Arizona? Sometimes she doesn't tell me.
Pam: Cool.

I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
- Anon.